your ways i do not understand...but i do know that they are AWESOME!

It's good to journal. For several reasons, but one is that you can open them up years later to reflect on your growth, and to laugh a little. I found my journal from when I was 14, and I was laughing my head off.

But it can change your perspective on living an every day life, when you see what your days used to look like. I sometimes look down on my 'testimony' because it didn't involve a divorce, an abortion, abusive parents, or a broken family. When I hear stories from people about turning their lives around and following Jesus after extremely difficult times, I think that my story isn't good enough. My faith is only mine because I grew up going to church.

I can see more and more that my life is significant. I may not have had disaster in my life, but that should make me even the more gracious in my blessings.


On another note:
It being Easter season, I am reading through the death and resurrection story of Jesus. It's hard for me to read for some reason. I found myself reading through the stories in Matthew, and partially doubting what was happening. It was horrible. I found I was convincing myself that it was okay to doubt, but then I was hating myself for that. As I continued to read though, I remained open to God (the only one, obviously who knows my thoughts) with my doubts, because I'm not willing to just push them aside anymore, but at the same time I was very scared. Then I got to this part:

"Then the curtain in the Temple was torn into two pieces, from the top to the bottom. Also, the earth shook and rocks broke apart. The graves opened, and many of God's people who had died were raised from the dead. They came out of the graves after Jesus was raised from the dead and went into the holy city, where they appeared to many people." Matthew 27

Because here's the thing: I believe that everything in the Bible did happen, without a doubt. It's history. The thing I found myself doubting was whether Jesus was just a blasphemer or if He truly was the Son of the Living God. So when I got to this part, I felt pretty dumb. And I'm pretty excited now, actually. Because I'm learning that you can't just push doubts aside. They are there, and denying them is just pushing them deeper and deeper into your heart. When you lay something like this in God's hands,

no doubt,

He is faithful. If you ask for wisdom He will give it to you.