newity.

Someday i won't give in to Starbuck's. It will be gloriously terrifying. Who can say 'no' to mint mocha chip frapp?
I picked up a book about Mother Teresa, her private writings. (if you're looking down on me now, i apologize for reading your secrets) I had heard a story recently where a friend of a friend wanted to make a difference in the world (don't we all), so he calls Mother Teresa's orphanage. just calls it, and leaves a message, for her asking that she would call him back when she gets a chance.
...
A few months later, he answers his phone, and sure enough, it's Mother Teresa. Long story short, he finds a way to get to India and ends up making a difference in the world under none other than Mother Teresa.

I wish I could see her face. they say that anyone who actually looked into her eyes was changed. I've always wondered what it was about Christian authors or speakers that I didn't like. There's pride there, regardless of whether it's righteous or not. They write books thinking they will help people with what they personally have found to be true in life (which i'm not going to argue that they don't). Mother Teresa has books written _about_ her. She is legendary. and she still didn't like that.
No more analyzing this. i'd rather be like Mother Teresa than anyone else in the whole world, and that's that.
I'm pretty much just bored of being lazy. We are called for much much more.
So, looking at all this Christian literature, it makes me feel a little uneasy. "Hey if i get someone like Rob Bell to write a good review for me, then i will sell more books!" And seeing all the Christian CD's. And knowing about this movement i like to call 'insidethebox' where pastors are broadcasted rather than seen. Worship bands are heard rather than felt. Maybe i'm just sick of seeing so many new minivans and SUV's. maybe the distance I have to drive just for a good cup of coffee is too far. Too many people looking at watches and talking on cell phones. Suburbs just don't feel right to me any longer.
For the first time I'm actually saying I'm ready. There is something so deep inside me that needs renewing. or maybe just 'newing'. newity?
I like jazz, but even more i am liking silence. Also, Ray LaMontagne.
'don't look for love in places, in faces, it's in you.'
I'll call you back when i'm ready. I've learned to take all this one step at a time. I just about fell down the stairs.