sunsetting in the suburbs

i'm falling to pieces and i sure could use some help


I forgot how beautiful the sunrise is here. It's something the city just lacks. The red and orange light is trying so hard to seep through my windows and the rays reach higher than I can try. The pine trees are as tall as the buildings.

I will meet You in our secret place and I will be Yours
You will pick me up and carry me in Your arms across the lake and into the sky

I realized it so randomly but so beautifully. After all, what is the point of having faith if you're not putting your faith in something?

I was scared. So scared and I tried to ignore it but it was there raping my mind. I know perfect love drives out fear, but that doesn't mean anything. What is love and where does it come from and what are the rules and ramifications and what am I supposed to do what am I supposed to feel when I undeniably am defeatedly scared out of my mind because I've never done this before. The music and the art and the people can't even give me the comfort and hope to pull through.

When you are honest, you find answers.
I am learning what the Holy Spirit does, not trying to figure it out, but experiencing the grace and hope that it brings from God. I am taking a huge step in my life. I am going the distance physically and mentally. I don't know why. I am doubting my decision, but going for it nonetheless. For whatever reason.

Walking through Books-A-Million yesterday, I found a tshirt that said "Jesus, the answer to all your problems"
hahaha....
I'd like a tshirt that said, "Jesus, the one that takes you from your comfortable life and ruins it to perfect you for a life after you die"
...or something. Although I probably still wouldn't wear it.

I find it hard to believe that a life with Jesus is easy. Or painless. Or content.
We are working against the world, how can this answer all your problems?

I am terrified. But, I am comforted because I understand now that this is exactly what it takes to have faith. I'm sick of claiming faith. I'm ready to chase faith. Faith that is stupidly sure.