i have blog ADD.

sorry, blogger.


http://heartoftheunseen.tumblr.com/

we are like the aspen trees

a single root structure

old and broken

a single root structure

beauty in taos

that's not a real tattoo. i want something like it eventually, though. taos is beautiful. i'd live in the desert if it meant having a community like that.

i love it here. wish i had better books to read. maybe i'll order a couple on amazon. any suggestions?

snow patrol live acoustic CD. get it.

i like talking to you.

moonlight and mountains

I may be listening to Sigur Ros, but the sound of God and Mars is ringing in my head.
I cannot run without it. The mint mocha chip frapp taste still burns on my tongue from that drive and tastes like tears.
You wouldn't really understand, and that's okay. It's like the taste in your mouth when you eat something bitter, then follow that with a soothing sweet taste. it covers it up but it still lingers.

Emotions flare up every time I come close to something new.

The sun glares down at me as if I have done something wrong to it, and it doesn't forgive.
It's a desert out here.

Here I am, in that old place again, down on my face again.
How long will it take?
And how long will I have to wait.

Just realized I've had my iTunes on shuffle for about an hour and haven't changed a single song.

And my jeans are two tones lighter. (and tanner)

I talked last night under the moonlight for hours. Then I swung. Upside down. I feel a habit coming on.

get better

Forget all your politics for a while.
Let the color schemes arrive.
Come onboard, it's a curious sight.
Absorbing sound that's never been right.
Never ahead of, never behind it.
Occasionally guarded, just keeps us surrounded.
It's luck.

Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better.
Ahhh.

I propose a less serious boat.
But don't mistake it for a party of jokes, who are never ahead of, never behind us.
Floating in circles there's more to remind them of less.

Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better.
Done. I'm done. I'm done.

bright moonlight

I can't even begin to tell you how great this is. We ate at a local coffeeshop in a near town last night. I don't even need Starbuck's anymore. And that's saying a lot. Starbuck's has nothing on this place. I bought bracelets I hadn't seen since I was twelve. Then we drove back. It was four girls, an open highway, a bright moon and the perfect sound.

Some people think you have to be drunk to have fun. Untrue. I know a thing or two about having fun.

My tent collapsed today. Luckily my roommate and I were working. I'm kind of upset. I put a lot of trust in that tent.

just a little closer.

Last night I spent hours talking about Jesus with my brothers and sisters. Hours. We prayed together. We prayed with Jesus.

We saw eight shooting stars, at least one of them probably a comet. Amongst the shadow of the Cross. I named a constellation. It's called 'Explosion.' Because it looks like a huge star exploded and left the remnants of tiny stars in a burst. If you see it in your sky tonight, let me know. I want you to know that I am with you. I think about my brothers and sisters a lot. I just know I'd be nothing without you.

The Holy Spirit is real. He doesn't live in Columbia, SC. He isn't bounded by the walls of a church building. In fact, the church is outside. It is everywhere. The Earth is His and all things in it. The Holy Spirit is everywhere you are. It is what drives you to love. It is what brings you to tears. It is what breaks you and molds you. It is what brings you joy to keep you alive. It is the Communicator. You can be confident because the Holy Spirit takes your aching and crying and explains it to your Father. It is your Comforter. Maybe a God shaped hole isn't quite enough. Maybe it is a God shaped container with which you choose to fill with goodness and holiness or ugliness. Jesus and the Cross is the filter through which the bad things are behind and the race has begun. Your heartbeat is the Lord. Your breath is the breath of the Lord. Your feet move to the rhythm of the Spirit's guidance. He is your eyes closed He is your eyes open.


...and I fly so high.

eight.

Me
Trading Post
Philmont Scout Ranch
47 Caballo Rd.
Cimarron, NM 87714


it's nice to know there are brothers and sisters thousands of miles away.
we are related through obedience, not blood.
Lord you are good and you never fail.

taos is still ten feet deep in snow

day off = hiking.

We went to Taos to hike the Mt. Wheeler area, tallest mountain in NM. Ended up not hiking the trail because it was buried under ten feet of snow. Sweet! Turned into an hour of snowball fights and snow tag.

Taos doesn't have Starbuck's. But we went to a couple local coffee shops. Oh, and Rocky Mt. Chocolate Factory. The mocassin stores were closed by the time we got there though.

Morning off tomorrow. Sweet!

i really want starbuck's.

...and thousands more Your glory shines.

my compositional skills left me at the bottom of the mountain.
oh, and that's colorado.
photoshop isn't worthy for pictures like these.


my brother is a model. i am his personal photographer.
me. 9003 ft higher than you. this was the hardest and longest hike i've ever taken. my lungs were burning and the sun was piercing and the water was necessary not wanted. i played frisbee later that night. and ate a lot of ice cream.

for thousands of miles

first hike of the day. 1 mile. a joke compared to the next hike.

common diet. decent.
see that peak up there? that's where we ended up 2.5 hours later.

two stories

Tonight I went to a Western dance party. I danced with a real cowboy! And several other guys, some more creepy than others and some genuine gentlemen. My brother danced too, it was cute.

The other night I had the best worst night of sleep ever. You have to understand a little background though. It is windy here. Pretty much all the time and the weather changes like nobody's business. We live in tents that are barely sufficient living spaces. They are about 12 feet by 10 feet, wooden floor, three wooden posts holding up basically the entire tent. When it is windy, the tent moves back and forth a good two feet. When it rains, we get wet because there are holes. I hadn't gotten a roommate yet, and this night was windy at about 20 mph, raining, thunderstorming, and cold. I can't open my eyes because if I do I'll see how badly the tent is moving and have a panic attack. I can't move because I am scared. If my tent falls down on me I am alone. My Mac is unsafe from water or temperature damage within a locker. Every time the lightning strikes the tent is illuminated and all I can do is count the seconds until the thunder rolls violently soon after. I am lying there stiff like a stick with no refuge. I am praying my brains out that it would stop.

And it's then that I realize, "God is a god of wrath. He has been gentle with me, but he is the Creator of the Universe and has every power to destroy nations and bring us trembling to our knees."
This storm is Him being who He is and it's scary and I don't want to be here but I am okay because He loves me. He loves me.
"God is near. He is near me 800 miles away from where He was near me that time five months ago when He was near me and every day that He has always been near me."
Wow. It was some sort of epiphany or something, and it was an experience of the closeness of God. Without anyone else telling me what to do. Without advice from others and without closeness of friends.
It was God.
And it was beautifully terrifying.


Tired. Hike tomorrow. Over 300 pictures, but here are some.

My lightbulb is hanging...

just like the Coldplay concert in September. I'm working on a logo. I'm pretty excited. I meant to put pictures up, but it'll happen soon. I'm having much less free time than expected, but it's good. Discovered that postcards cost $1. May take longer to start sending those out. I met every staff member here who owns a Mac within the first few days. Not sure how that happened. I've been able to avoid Windows all together.

The lights are brighter here, and the wind is stronger.

what if the wind was everyone you ever loved?

frisbee til dark.

i sleep in a tent, shower less, eat less, weigh less, my hair is straighter, tan lines are becoming visible, i wear chacos with socks.

the boys i work with don't wear deodorant. gross.

at home i feared consistency, here i fear bear sightings.


I want them to see past my surface. How do you do that and what does it really mean? Especially when I put so much effort into a shiny surface. If you are supposed to pray in a closet, then how are we supposed to be lights for the world?

Ohh, the Word is filled with such beautiful contradictions. Lord, do you over analyze more than I do?


Tired eyes. 11pm my time, 1am yours.

Did you know the Earth was covered in white cotton candy?

May 23

"Also, Heaven definitely isn't in the clouds like they show in the Philadelphia cream cheese commercials.
Everything will change, we will never be the same. I had no idea how awesome this was going to be. I miss my mac though. The airport is such a good place for him. I regret not making more effective playlists, but I've found the iPod to be an important companion...the Lord is good. I knew He wanted to refine me but I was scared. He loves me. And it brings tears of joy. If I can suggest anything to you, I want you to spend a good long day without other people, or stuff. I have the best friends in the world, a body that loves and supports me, but I also have a God who deserves my time in the least. Perfect loves drives out fear, my friend. If you don't believe me, have faith. Don't fight your fears, embrace them."


I am very tired, so this is a short entry. But this place is amazing. Already taken over 100 pictures, I cannot give you words for the beauty that God made in this part of the country. He really likes showing off. The stars are so bright. SO BRIGHT. And He made this for US. Can you believe this? Pictures will be posted later.

My mac is here now! One day in and I've been asked to do some designs. I'm psyched. Also, I love climbing into my sleeping bag at night. It is warm. I wish someone could videotape me getting up in the morning. My entire body within this cocoon of a bag, an alarm going off, an arm reaching out to turn it off, then goes back in the bag.


Needless to say, the Lord is good. He is so good and He is refining me because for some reason He loves me. It really has brought tears.

us2gether :: we will fly

chapter 18.5

Jesus, stay with my heart, stay beside me. You are hope for my soul, You complete me.

My room is empty, a first. A duffle bag, a backpack, and a camera case. A hand to hold. I suppose I am as prepared as I'll ever be. I've been experiencing so many emotions this week, ones that I never even knew were inside me. At least, that I didn't think would face the surface again. I am deeply going to miss you all, I hold you all so close to my heart. It will remain that way and will give me comfort when I have none.

So begins a new chapter in my life. I don't know if I'll change, but there are qualities in myself I know need refining. The Lord is good at that.

I have gotten advice from many of the people that I love. They may not realize it, but I have been soaking up their words and it has made all the difference. I have listened to them like a child hears a bed time story. How often are people that vulnerable? It's new to me.

Can I just say that I am overwhelmed by the love the Lord has for me? I am scared out of my mind, there is no denying that. But in Him I find peace and grace and life and joy and the world does not come anywhere near providing that. In fact, in my life it has produced exactly the opposite.

My prayer is this: Lord, I see you now, and I am holding your hand very tightly. I am scared. When I am not holding you can you whisper in my ear? Tell me when I am not right, Lord, the desire of my heart is to seek you and I have settled for less than you far too often.
Less than You is not enough for me. I don't know where, I don't know why, I don't know how, but Your love makes these things better. You love us. You love us. You are a God of Love. Why do I forget that?

I will find bread. I will find juice. And I will remember you always. I will remember your covenant.

Your hand in mine.

I'm just going to have to trust that.